Queen of Awkward Hugs

After reading a friend's blog:

http://www.kimboechler.blogspot.com/2011/04/tao-of-hugs.html

I just had to respond. So if you haven't read it already, go read it. (Read all of her stuff, she's amazing!) Then the following will make more sense.

Since the dawn of (my) time, I have been an awkward hugger, and for the record I don't come by it rightly... my mom and sister are hug fanatics... No joke, if they haven't hugged me about 5 times per visit something is probably wrong. So as the proverbial black sheep of hugging, what was just strange as a kid has evolved into "Oh-my-word-stop-over-thinking-this" moments as life became more social.

There are exceptions to everything right? (This is the part that could get confusing if you haven't read Kim's blog ;)

Exception #1
My man. Yeah, I know duh.... but I thought he should be #1 and as a non-hugger it's impressive how special these hugs are to me and, only second to my Jesus, have the power to melt away all of my cares in the world. Which brings up a whole subtopic of "girls don't search for a man to be what God is supposed to be for you, no man can do it, it's not fair to expect that from them" but that's not what this blogs about.

Exception #2
Those people that ALWAYS hug. You make my life easy. I always know there will be a hug and thus no second guessing. Thank you always huggers! You have a gift.

Exception #3
The hugs I specialize in; these would be the "I've Got My Hands Full" hug and the "Side hug". First, I usually have my hands full, so if someone wants a hug I don't have to decide how... elbows are the only option. Then the infamous "Side hug" foolproof right? a little tricky if you ask me, but if I'm the hug initiator then I can properly align myself for a flawless graceful execution. Proper alignment means you are somewhere to the side of the hug target this whole process is completely obliterated when the usual side hug target comes at you from the front. What are you supposed to do?? Flip a 180 and throw one arm around them.. not uncouth at all! Which leads the the very reason I am the queen of awkward hugs.

Hi, my name is Holly, and I'm an indecisive hugger. That list of hugs Kim describes spins through my head like the wheel of fortune wheel, excluding the "Bow Chicka Bow Wow Hug" of course which is saved for my one and only, and adding the "I'm-not-close-enough-to-hug-you Hand shake" as an option. All of which usually leads to a somewhat seizure like attempt at a hug or an overly friendly smile and head nod. I'm a work in progress folks bear with me. I think hugs are awesome.

My other dilemma. When you are hugging in a group... do you just hug everyone or will someone feel left out? Oh man.

Will this final be cumulative?

It's cliche really, that old saying, "Some people gotta learn the hard way" but I am a firm believer that sayings become popular for a reason, as do stereotypes but thats a whole different story. Anyway. I've come to realize I am a frequent flyer of "the hard way" not intentionally mind you (if there is a hard way I can avoid by learning from other people's mistakes I am so there!) but I seem to get things better if I experience them myself.... It's just the way I learn. Take smoothies for example.

My hubby makes a killer "Green Smoothie" (we're really creative with names around our house) It has spinach, chard, mango, strawberries, banana, etc. in it and is the ULTIMATE cheater version of eating my dark leafy greens. Heck yes! So I ask the hubby to demonstrate the process of said smoothie so I can make it for myself and because the idea of drinking pureed greens grosses me out a little I really want to do it *exactly* like he does so that I can avoid even a yucky taste test... which would ruin the Green Smoothie and it's nutritious magic for me (because 85% of my eating habits are mental... freak, I know.) So half way into the process he has me helping. Hands on is good right? Usually, but no. He starts to say things like "Add a little handful of spinach"

Me: "like this?"

Him:" Mmmmm sure.... well.. yeah"

Me: "More? ... less?... what?!"

Him: "It's fine"

Not fine... no no no... So being the saint he is, he took over so I could observe. (No I didn't expect him to know that's what I wanted... what I want is always changing, and he was super patient and informative ;)

So long (and slightly unrelated) story short, that's how I learn... by observing or doing... Not everything is that way, somethings are easily comprehensible by mere explanation but my last three years have seemed to be a medley of lessons learned and I'm not talking about the ones I signed myself up for at our good 'ol community college. I mean habits, feelings, or choices that I didn't understand in other people (Dare I say I unknowingly.. or stink... maybe knowingly judged them because of that misunderstanding)... I have now found myself in situations, mind sets, and emotions I didn't know existed and though there have been some phenomenal times it hasn't always been pretty... but in all reality. I wouldn't trade a minute of it. Now I'm not saying God put me into every trial so that I would learn from it and become this amazing person (because I'm also a strong believer in the balance between choices and circumstance) but I do believe He makes all things work together for our good, and the whole trials = perseverance = character things... and I like the person I am becoming in Him. I am still growing and learning (and hope to never stop) but at this point, I feel like I have a whole new clarity of love... and that is enough silver lining for me.

PS. I still haven't braved the making of the green smoothie yet.... but I will... yes. I will.

Just Sayin'

When you think about the people who have spoken into your lives the most or maybe given you a new perspective, was it because they lived a perfect life and always had the right thing to tell you? Or did you learn from their mistakes, maybe feel connected to them because they shared their thoughts and struggles?

I am surrounded by amazing people and have really appreciated how transparent so many of them are. I'm not saying they go out and do horrible things, I don't mean this drastically. I just mean the kind of people that really dig down deep and strive to be the person they were created to be, and in the process are humble enough to share (in the right situation). I always wanna be like that. The real Holly.

Facing your fears.

I'm pretty sure I've blogged about this before but the topic just doesn't seem to go away.

When I was younger I let my fears control me and keep me from doing things that I wanted to do... or that would help others. About 3 years ago I really came to the understanding that God didn't want me to be controlled by this fear and I started facing fears as they came to me. The biggest thing at the time was leading worship, singing in front of people, etc. I really did learn to trust God to use me and that has become something that I'm fairly comfortable with. Well, we all know what happens when we get comfortable...

Last night a friend asked me to speak on camera to promote something for the young adults ministry. Ahhhhhhh! Ok, I know. I sing in front of people... I'm on stage all the time.... but this to me is worse than singing in front of thousands (well, I imagine at least... I never have) I despise talking on camera. Despise! BUT... I did it, not because I wanted to but because I want to be a stronger better me who is not held back by my fears. It makes me a little sick to my stomach to watch but I'll share it with you :o)

www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=434810922122&ref=mf

Day 3

Today I'm thankful for:

1. my husbands taco's... I love tacos!

2. all of the amazing students at youth! I truly love those kids!

3. that Jesus chose the cross for me.

(( The other day Isaac said to one of our friends "Jesus died on the cross" and our friend said, "yeah, thats sad, huh" which is what most people would say. Isaac said "No, he died to take our sins away, that's happy." Obviously it's sad because of the sacrifice and how much we love him, but Isaac opened my eyes to taking joy in the cross because of the gift it was for me. ))

Day 2

3 Things I'm thankful for today:

1. laughter; it just makes everything funner (and it releases endorphins right?)

2. my kids (who make me laugh) and say things like "I'm gonna be a little pastor, and Allie you play the piano like Mom"(( Lord help me to be the example you want me to be))

3. my iphone... yeah I said it. I LOVE that thing!

The List.

It's funny to me how often a thought in my head has to be repeated in really obvious ways before I spring to action. I'm working on that... but meanwhile- Recently I have trying to think a way to focus on the good. I kept thinking maybe I should just journal some little thoughts that come into my head and things that make me smile. Not really that challenging but have I done it yet? Nope. Today, in the mail, I got a letter from the foundation that granted me an amazing scholarship that encouraged me to take two weeks and write down 3 things I'm grateful for (specifically) every night because thankful people are happy people and happy people are productive, so here goes:

Tonight I'm thankful for:

1. my God that knows how to love me perfectly. In all of my humanity, He is the balance of grace, justice, mercy, discipline, and love. I was truly lost until I found Him and He is faithful through it all.

2. my husband who makes me feel like the most amazing woman (even when I'm a jerk) and he made me an awesome lunch today for school. We are still growing up together and I love that we'll grow old together too. He makes me feel safe and is the most amazing dad. I couldn't be more proud of him.

3. the scholarship I mentioned earlier. I couldn't be going to school right now without it.